I can make you an Amazon !!!BestSeller!!!” (definition confusion)

Two different “experts in Amazon marketing” have contacted me over the past few months. Their promise was the same: they could make me and/or my book an Amazon !!!BestSeller!!!.

One fellow said he’d need at least six weeks lead time, the other five days. The former charged only 12k$US, the other 6k$US.

And because I’m an evil prick bastard, I asked for the titles of the books they’d worked their magic on and the names of the authors of these books.

The first gent gave me three pages of recommendations.

Which only contained three books.

The last two pages were for the same book which had multiple contributors.

And proving I don’t understand things, I checked the Amazon numbers.

WTF?
None of the books were bestsellers. At least not by my definition of bestseller.

Noun: bestseller
1. A book that has had a large and rapid sale.

 
But no, no, no, Joseph! That’s not the correct definition of an Amazon BestSeller!

No, no, no!

An Amazon Bestseller merely means it reached “bestseller” status on Amazon.

And it doesn’t have to stay there.

One hour is enough.

And don’t worry about being in a recognizable, easily identifiable category!

Ohhh no, no, no!

And the book can be for free!

Because it doesn’t matter if you make money!

Only that you hit that #1 spot!

Because…
Evidently there’s a lot of…individuals…who are thrilled to boast on their bookcover they had an Amazon BestSeller. Doesn’t matter how many books they actually sold. Or how obscure the category. Or if there’s competition for the #1 spot or not.

So long as they can boast about being an Amazon #1 BestSeller!

Sad, me thinks. I thought being a bestseller meant lots and lots and LOTS of people purchased a copy and genuinely liked it.

Idiot Moi!

Examples
The first fellow’s titles, when I looked them up, were far from in the bestseller leagues and lightyears away from the top 100 sellers…in any category.

And category is the key.

I realize now that often these book marketers create a category in which there’s no competition (or find a category with little to no competition) and promote your book there.

One of the second fellow’s titles was yep, a bestseller.

In a category in which only one other book existed.

And both were free.

Most of these books don’t survive bestsellerhood much longer than a few hours.

Just long enough for the book marketer to take a page snapshot of the “BestSeller” emblem so you can show it off.

And just think! For only 6-12K$US!

For bragging rights!

I’m sorry.

It must be exhausting for people to support an ego like that.

Or perhaps I’m wa-a-ay off base?
Having been in marketing for many years, I suddenly realize what’s actually being purchased for 6-12k$US!

Yes, these people are amazing salespeople and marketers!

They’ve managed to convince lots of people (according to their claims of satisfied customers) that getting a #1 spot on an obscure Amazon category where there’s no real competition for one hour or less means they and/or their book is a bestseller!

That’s what they’re selling!

(Idiot moi!)^2

Oh, and by the way…
Just so we’re all clear on what my bottomline is, none of these authors made back their investment with book sales. After market – classes, lectures, speaking gigs, … – I don’t know.

But in sales?

Definitely not!

I’m on “What the Book – Delightfully Different Book Podcast” this Saturday!

How exciting!

(You can read more about it here and listen to it on Podbean’s What The Book show)

Great Opening Lines – and Why! (August 2023’s Great Opening Lines)

I wrote in Great Opening Lines – and Why! (Part 3 – Some Great Opening Lines) that I’d share more great opening lines as I found them.

My last entry in this category was January 2023’s Great Opening Lines – and Why! (January 2023’s Great Opening Lines) which covered Lidia Yuknavitch’s‘s The Chronology of Water. This entry in the Great Opening Lines – And Why! posts is Angela PanayotopulosThe Wake Up.
Continue reading “Great Opening Lines – and Why! (August 2023’s Great Opening Lines)”

The Alibi (A John Chance Mystery) – Chapter 19

YO! Brand new!

Enjoy.

The Alibi – Chapter 19

 
Dev Surely rode the T home from work, took a quick shower, put on summer weight clothes more befitting a hot Boston June than an overly air-conditioned megastore, poured herself an ice tea, and sat on her porch overlooking Dorchester Bay.

It had not taken long for this to become her end-of-day routine. For student housing, this was quite a find. Frankly, she believed this whole building was a safe house and every apartment was monitored, videod, and otherwise privacy invaded.

You didn’t find places like this in Southie any more.

She wondered if DDOS Connelly secretly watched her shower.

Rumor was she wasn’t his type. Wrong plumbing. Not that it mattered. He’d always been playfully respectful since their first meeting back in McLouth, Kansas.

She hadn’t been back home in years now. Couldn’t contact her folks for fear of compromising them with all her undercover work.

Wouldn’t Mom and Dad be proud, though? Your baby girl who ran the risk of getting kicked out of school weekly is one of this country’s top counter-terrorist agents? So much so even MI6 and Mossad asked for her by name.

Connelly kept them apprised, he said.

Good old Connelly.

She sipped her ice tea, her feet up on the porch railing and looked out over Boston Harbor north from Southie, which wasn’t really south but tell that to native Bostonians and most would knock your eye out.

The glass sweated and some of the cool XXX ran down her fingers. She took the glass in her other hand, snapped the wet one to dry it off, and transferred her ice tea back before taking another swallow.

She didn’t mind being hit on on her way to work and back, but for Christ’s sake take a wash when you get off shift before you hit somebody up for a date; stale body odor does not a good first impression make.

She made one friend in her few weeks here. Irene Casey. Black Irish and, as far as Dev could tell, a good cop.

They met in a bar when Dev looked to create some local cover. Sat side-by-side by chance and found drunks assumed they were together hence left them alone. Except one idiot who decided women were Les because they never had the right cock. He tried to knock Dev off her stool. Dev didn’t want to draw attention but it didin’t matter. Before she responded Casey lifted the guy off the floor, flattened him on her stool, sat on him, and continued slowly sipping her beer.
Jensen came forward. Slightly bent at the waist, she supported herself by placing her hands on the control panel’s edge while she scanned Boyd’s screens. “Sounds like they’re having a conversation, doesn’t it?”

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Previous entries in The Alibi (A John Chance Mystery)

Lonely Erasmus

We last encountered Erasmus in Erasmus is such a dear.

He’s blessed our presence a few times in the past and has always been a joy.

This time, though, and a few times off camera, Erasmus has been traveling solo.

We normally see several Coyote in our yard and the woods behind our house.

We’ve had a few generations pass and, so far, most are familiar enough with me to approach without anxiety.

Lately Erasmus has been wary.

And he’s been alone.

We hear his kin calling late at night, often announcing a kill and usually in the distance.

And still, we wonder…

Is Erasmus lonely?